This is your first minute away from your mother and all you want to do is bang dishes? You have five older sisters and not one of them ever banged dishes! -red glove- I wonder if this is a gender preference...

Why, if you have enough knowledge to prepare a meal by yourself, do you need my guidance to sit down and eat?

Seriously? You'd rather work than have a baby? Fine. But if an orphan knocks on the door, I'm adopting it. (I did, too!)

It's great that you finally learned to clear the dishes, but couldn't you have let your mother eat first? Now we're going to have to make a whole new meal for her.

Aw, Violetta wrote from college. A rash, huh? Like the ones she used to get? I never cured her of any rashes.

Gotta love great-aunt Nessie.

Kid, you're an only child, why are you hiding toys?

Rose, stop checking your weight. It'll only change when you go to college in a few minutes.

You're still playing daddy at thirteen? Get a life, kid.