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How can I get the Golden Child to fix the automatic sprinklers?


You have to buy an optional plug-in from LDW Software. I don't recall the URL, but it costs USD$50 or so. As far as I can tell, that's all it does, too, fix the damned sprinklers. Seems like a ripoff.

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And why don't the researchers wear white lab coats?


I dunno. The lab coats are powder blue in mine until you reach Research level two, and then they're white until the end of the game. Maybe you're doing something wrong.

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And how is it that the farmers are able to catch fish with their bare hands?


That's what the research level is for. Of course, if you want more verisimilitude, you could have them harvest the bamboo and gather flints to make fishing spears with, but that takes a lot longer, because you need to research Toolmaking to level three. I don't think it was possible at all in versions 1.0 and 1.1, for that matter. Download the upgrade to v 2.0.3.

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And how can I train that darn monkey that peers through the trees and wrecks the research table to do circus tricks?



No idea. If you figure it out, let me know.
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Thanks for your help.


Hey, no problem, man.

PS:
If you're new to the game, and/or believe this for any other reason, I have some prime farmland I'd like to sell you. It's on Mars...