That reminds me of a song.

Funeral Directors of America, I am very deeply honored standing here;
Receiving this token of your esteem, "The Funeral Director of the Year."
Now I've been asked by all the delegates - and members of the board,
To tell you of the funeral that won me this award.
It was handled with taste and dignity, that much I can say for it;
And I'm sure it will take the family ... twenty YEARS to pay for it!

It was a hell of a funeral; it was a hell of a funeral
The finest funeral ever booked:
I had some high school juniors who passed around petunias
And lilies everywhere you looked.
It was a hell of a funeral; I say one hell of a funeral
Oh, how I wish that you were there;
I had ten drum majorettes doubling on the castanets
It really was a lively affair

It was a hell of a funeral; it was a hell of a funeral
The National Guard showed up for me;
And during the oration, they went into formation
And formed the letters R. I. P.
It was a hell of a funeral; I say one hell of a funeral
I gave it all my loving care;
The band was on its toes playing "Mexicali Rose",
It really was a lively affair.

(A tisket, a tasket, Tell us about the casket.)

Well, I'll tell you about the casket, my good friends
It would’ve made your poor eyes pop
It was sterling silver all around and a real Formica top.
(Formica top, it had a Formica top).

Well, I'll tell you about the widow, my good friends,
The widow was in navy blue
With a gown designed by Balenciaga, I supplied that too.
(He sold the widow widow's weeds too).

I held the first funereal raffle, though I don't much like to boast
And I gave away a Chevrolet to the person who cried the most.
(He gave away a brand new Chevrolet).
I won it myself!

There were eighteen jugglers by the grave to demonstrate their art
And when they were done, I fired a gun to let the hootenanny start.
(He fired a gun and the hoot-e-nanny begun).

I was serving beer and pretzels, ‘til the hot pastrami came;
And I sold some souvenir hankies with the dear departed’s name.
(He was sellin’ hankies with the dear departed's name).

As a fitting finale we had the Rockettes from New York's Music Hall;
As you can see, my very good friends
All in all,
all in all,
all in all:

It was a hell of a funeral; I say one hell of a funeral
No other burial could compare;
It was all done up deluxe and I made forty thousand bucks,
It really was a lively affair.
It really was a swingin' affair.
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To err is human; to arr is pirate.